its been a while since i updated my blog... things have been going great here.. i have been making new friends... seeing new places in sydney... i.e. bloody north western suburbs that no one else ever wants to go to unless they live there... been seeing alot of these places due to the fact that all my clients are that far out.. besides the fact that i have to drive out 45 mins every morning.. get stuck in the jam and listen to radio programs that play absolutely no songs... have been making new friends... throw in a holiday or two... its all good =)

I've been hanging out at home for quite a fair bit at night the last few days and the time has really given me the time to think and ponder about stuff and life... the biggest question in my head of course would be "why will humans never forget" or rather why wont i ever forget... been talkin to my friends in singapore and in my personal life itself i got an update as well. these were basically the chain of events that sparked off this disgusting thought process through my head.. why? i ask myself. why cant i ever shake off this lingering thought of jo in my head... the relationship was great.. but it wasnt a died its natural course relationship.. it just happened so suddenly. it just ended.. i kinda know what happened.. why she wanted to break up with me.. but i guess i'm not man enough to admit it.. nor do i ever want to know the truth... so why cant we let go of these painful thoughts on our lives? my first few months out of the relationship were horrible... i know of a few ppl that have just gotten out of their own relationships... mostly not by their choice.. and they feel pretty crappy abt it too... so is that the case? cause u were not the one that ended it? so u feel that a great injustice has been done against u? u always look back at the happy times... but then of course.. looking back at the happy times always brings about the sad memories as well. doesnt it? well.. u gotta take the bitter with the sweet i guess... i write so i wont forget... as much as jo has caused me a great deal of pain in my life.. i never want to forget her... i'll never get back together with her. that i know for a fact.. but still... i miss the happy times.. and with that.. comes the pain as well.. the knowing that a great part of your life has been taken away from you and cliche as it might sound.. i guess i'll never be whole again.... i don't know personally if i miss her for the person that she is or just miss the fact that i've had someone so close who understands me. a person who knows who the real eugene is.. its been so hard to find someone who really knows who i am, who cares for me and loves me for who i am.. that i think i've ended up thinking that there will never be such a person in my life.. in the best interest of things i've been putting up a false front for the longest time with regard to the above matter.. i dont really want ppl to know or think that im some love-struck puppy.. and u kinda get sick after awhile of the whole.. are u okie... bullshit... NO.. thats the answer.. i will never be OK.. its not that bloody simple... but anyway to es, max.. ah gee.. jboy... ah leong.. u guys were there... a big part of my life when i was pulling together the pieces of my life.. and i will always be grateful for the support that u guys have given me..... and over here now in sydney.. i always look back and think of my friends... its always so much easier to appreciate something when its not in ur face i guess.. things are lookin good over here.. but still i guess i've solved the question that has been bugging me for a long time.. will coming over to sydney make me forget and get on with my life? nope.. guess not.. a change of environment doesnt help at all.. when the unfamiliar closes in on you.. you desperately reach out and claw for the things that have given you the most warmth, the best comfort in ur life... so ironically, instead of forgetting.. which is one of the reasons i made my way to sydney.. i remember even more vividly.. its a crappy answer to get... but hey.. at least i know now.. so tragic... surrounded by friends.. ppl who care for u... and yet so lonely... this truely is a painful experience..... well.. on a lighter note of stuff.. all u lucky bastards out there who have someone to share ur life with be happy.... NEVER FORGET.. never stop loving and appreciating that someone special in your life.. cause its always too late when someone takes them away from you.... and now.. all u sad sorry bastards out there who are as lonely as me.. join me in singing that crappy song that despotic korean leader in "Team America" sang..... Ronely... i am so ronely.... i nid somebody... to crall my own........ hahaha i think im really goin nuts.. but anyway.. all my friends in singapore.. take care.. and all the best wishes... =) p.s. sorry for the crazy ramblings.. just had to write to get it out of my bloody head....